ramonarjona

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/wax-poetic-wax-off-2026

Because bad poems and bad cakes go together like two things that go together and also rhyme.

Long like the trombone
are a giraffe's neck bones
7 bones
Bony bones
But Phil only had one bone.

Sucks to be you, Phil.

*******

There once was a baker called Smit
Whose spelling was never a hit
From what I have heard
He botched ev'ry word
Except one: that guy knew his...

...stuff.

****

Elsa didn't know
Until blood started flowing
What she'd created

****

DO NOT

stand

in
cake
case

[whispering] Bakeryyyyy

****

Once in a season, very near Fall
From deep in the forest, trees shady and tall

Comes something peculiar, and so seldom seen
Like a leprechaun's gold, or a unicorn's spleen

Look quickly, my brethren, for with any luck
You'll be graced with the majesty of Weenie Buck

*snapsnapsnap*

Thanks to Keelan M., Julia C., Jess K., Kia H., & Kristy D. for helping us channel our inner Charlie McKenzie. ("WOMAN! Whoaaaaa-MAN!")

*****

P.S. I see you appreciate poetry. Might I recommend...?

I Could Pee On This, And Other Poems By Cats
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/wax-poetic-wax-off-2026

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/10-reasons-edible-images-are-the-absolute-worst-plus-one-thats-pure-gold-2026

You'd think printing out your decorations would make them LESS wrecky, but... NOPE.

10 Reasons Edible Images Are The Absolute WORST:

1) Because even though bakers COULD use spell-check...

...they don't.

And also that pesky spacing thing.

2) Because now it looks like the cake is wrapped in fabric:

3) Or shiny plastic:

(I've seen Slip n' Slides that looked thinner than that stuff. Think you need scissors to cut it?)

4) Because the printer always runs out of ink and turns everyone green:

But thank goodness bakeries don't let that stop them.

5) Because of the badly Photoshopped photo collages:

6) And free clip art:

7) Because it gets all shiny and slimy:

*hurk*

8) Because square paper, round cookies cakes:

Ahhh, SEAMLESS.

9) Because creepy ultrasounds:

"NO I DON'T WANT THE FACE PIECE, JOAN."

And finally, the best/worst reason edible images are the worst?

10) Because bakers keep doing this:

Not cool, bakers. Not cool.

Thanks to Alexis M., Alexia K., Jennalee Z., Graham C., Melissa H., Darren G., Amber, Nicky W., Mercedes M., & Desiree H. for getting the picture.

****
BONUS SWEET:

And now, because every rule needs an exception, allow me to present the best Edible Image Cake...
OF ALL TIME:

Thank you, Julia H.
And, YOU'RE WELCOME, WORLD.

*****

P.S. As a palate cleanser, check out this rainbow wreath I made for John's room:

I used this 84-pc butterfly set, which I know you crafters are gonna love:

(3D Butterfly Wall Magnet Set)

They're double-sided and come with both magnets and stickers. Definitely browse the projects in the reviews, there are so many cool ideas - and the set is on sale right now for $9.99!

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/10-reasons-edible-images-are-the-absolute-worst-plus-one-thats-pure-gold-2026

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-flowery-praise-2026

Today? No sculpting. Just beautiful cakes-that-look-like cakes, plus gorgeous sugar flowers.

LET'S DO THIS.

(By Cakes by Mifa)

Those soft ombré ruffles are like a dream vacation for my eyes. Ahhhh. And isn't it amazing how that one sugar branch makes the whole cake?

I love how the lilies pop on this monochromatic number:

(By Dream Cake Factory)

Like a line drawing come to life!

I've seen wedding cakes modeled after the bride's gown, but here's a first for me: one that matches the Flower Girl!

(By HapiCakes, now renamed Hazel Wong Cake Design)

Ah! So perfect!

The baker calls this next one "coffee and cream":

(By Marlene of CakeHeaven)

Fantastic brush embroidery on the flowers, and those soft ruffles & flower sprays are putting the "chic" in "shabby chic."

Or, for a more modern look:

(By Ames Cake Creations)

If this were an art exhibit I'd call it, "Flower, Deconstructed." So cool!

And if you really want to amp up the drama:

(By White Rose Bakery [now closed], via The Perfect Palette)

It doesn't get more timeless than this! Wowza.

Most sugar flowers are technically edible, but of course you wouldn't really WANT to eat them.
Buttercream flowers, on the other hand?

(By Arty Cakes)

Delicious *and* delightful.

Here's another cool design: the bottom tier looks like one giant flower:

(By But A Dream Custom Cakes)

Or maybe more like four giant flowers, put together. Whichever, I LIKE.

And these bright colors & little corkscrew vines = instant summertime fun.

(Google can't find this one at all, so I think it must be from Facebook. Anyone recognize it?)

Looking at this, I almost don't mind that it's still 93 degrees outside. Almost.

And this cool blue beauty has a retro flair to it that I'm really digging:

(Photo by Captured Moments Photography, but there are so many I can't tell which one, and baker unknown. Anyone recognize it?)

Really love the modern shapes to the tiers, though, which complement each other beautifully.

And finally, a pastel rainbow so stunning I had to look three times to make sure they weren't real flowers:

(By Sylvia Weinstock Cakes)

Mmmmm. Rainbowy flower goodness. And the quilting! And gold leaf stripes! Definitely my happy place for the day.

Hope you guys found some happy here, too! Happy Sunday!

*****

P.S. Speaking of awesome flowers, I sent my Mom this amazing pop-up bouquet for her birthday this month:

Fresh Cut Paper Pop-Up Flowers

It looks just like this in person, so cool! Plus it ships free with Prime, so no extra postage needed.

There are more styles and colors at the link, go see!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-flowery-praise-2026

Books Finished
- Use of Weapons by Iain M. Banks [e-audio & Kindle]
- Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory by Martha Wells (novella) [Kindle]
- Service Model by Adrian Tchaikovsky [e-audio]
- Harry Potter und die Kammer des Schreckens by JK Rowling [e-audio], more German listening
- Harry Potter und der Gefangene von Askaban by JK Rowling [e-audio], yet more German listening
- Network Effect by Martha Wells [Kindle]
- City of Last Chances by Adrian Tchaikovsky [e-audio]

Library DVDs/Streaming Programs Watched
- Suburgatory: S3D2 [1 equiv]
- Resident Alien: S4 [3]
- 1670: S1-S2 [4 equiv] - I had not realized spoken Polish was so close to Russian
- Stranger Things: S5 [4 equiv]
- The Boys: S5D1-2 [2 equiv]

Books:

19 Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World, Jack Weatherford. ( Read more... )

And then I got caught up with stress about doing taxes for two countries with two different due dates and ran out of steam. I've currently got my kindle off wifi to see if I can eke out another book before it gets returned to the library since the loan period is almost up, oops.

Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/road-wrecks-2026

PSA: Drowsy driving is bad. Here to drive that point home (SNERK) is John with his artistic prowess in drawing hula girls:

Prevent two kinds of wrecks, my friends: Don't drive drowsy.

Thanks to Deb C., Sarah B., Susan B., & Christina W. , who really just had wrecky bakers, but our way is a lot funnier. :)

*****

P.S. I have the kind of insomnia old-timey bards would write songs about, so let me sing the praises of my amazing sleep headphones - for when you DO want to sleep:

Bluetooth Sleep Headphones

I listen to boring audio books on these every night to keep my brain from spinning out of control, which works wonders. Lately I've been wearing them like a sleep mask - like the model here - and WOW, that's helped even more than when I wore them like a headband! These things have been a life saver: comfy enough for side sleeping, not too loud like some of my old speakers, and they only cost $14 on Prime.

Note that they do run on the big side, but that works great if you have a big head like me.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/road-wrecks-2026

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/lost-in-translation-2026

Somewhere in Japan...

Baker #1: "So the couple getting married this weekend wants 'United Forever in Love' written on their wedding cake, but they want it in English. UG. Where's our English dictionary?"

Baker #2: "Oh, please. Just copy a few lines off this old box of Twinkies! No one will ever know."

Before you ask: Yes, this really is the cake from a Japanese wedding. Judy A.'s daughter is an exchange student there, and took the photo. No word on what the couple really wanted their cake to say, but hey, it could have been worse! They could have gotten matching tattoos that said "crazy diarrhea." :D

Thanks for the cultural exchange, Judy!

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/lost-in-translation-2026

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/to-the-pain-2026

These cakes have been left to wallow in their freakish misery forever, but we viewers are the ones who really suffer for it.

For example, tell me you don't get a brain-ache from trying to comprehend...

The cycloptic smiley clover of despair!!

(Now with matching ladybug!)

And that popping noise can mean only one thing:

"Pool Party Patty" has some serious 'splainin' to do.

You know what every caramel cheesecake needs?

Pretty much anything but large poo-swirls topped with plastic mold-specked hot dogs and hamburgers, that's what.

Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the little surfing 'dog on the left:

C'mon, a mini hot dog riding a poo wave? What's not to love?

And lastly, check out what Amy S. got for her rehearsal dinner when she requested a simple sheet cake with a logo on it:

I don't know what that is either, Amy, but I hear the chocolate coating helps it go down easier.

Moira & Stephanie E., these cakes are inconceivable.

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/to-the-pain-2026

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-status-is-not-quo-2026

Wreckporter Adria P. found all of today's cakes in the same bakery, on the same day. And since I know how tempting it is for you optimists to think most of the wrecks here are once-in-a-lifetime flukes, I figured this would be an excellent way for me to break out my "I-Told-You-So" dance. (Which is a lot like my "I-Have-To-Pee-And-We're-Out-Of-TP" dance, but with more jazz hands.) Because people need to realize that the bakery world is a mess, and I just need to rule it.

[adjusting goggles]

But first, let's take a look at the average daily fare in this Fine Establishment:

Bad Horse after some really spicy black bean enchiladas.

("Dibs on the festering pile of black goo!")

(PRO TIP: "Festering" makes everything funnier.)

(Unless the thing is on you, of course. Then, less so. To you. The rest of us will still think it's funny.)

The return of the gnarly poop fingers...OF DOOM.

I'd also like to point out that Adria sent these in yesterday, and it's April. Is this like a Christmas in July thing? Halloween in April? And why are the flying orange sea urchins attacking the poop fingers, anyway? Do they always hunt in packs? Do they have shrill little battle cries? I bet they do. I bet they sound like Angry Birds when you successfully complete a level. Only....EVILER. Like, a-letter-of-condemnation-from-the-deputy-mayor evil.

This one actually isn't that bad, comparatively speaking. I mean, I'm not sure how the yellow stuff got dripped on so precisely, or why the Bat logo looks like a battle axe, or what natural ailment would cause an otherwise sane person to think those borders are acceptable for anyone over the age of three, BUT...

...nope, I have nothing to add to that. Never mind.

And my personal favorite:

"Candy From a Baby"

AKA

"How much can we insult our customers' intelligence before they stop shelling out $14.98 for this crap? At least this much. MUAH-HA-HAA! AHAHAAAAHA! Ahah."

Seriously, I love how even the attempt at any kind of decoration has been abandoned. One blobby squirt of a bottom line + finger smeared topping = DONE. And that's about standards, you know?

[poking cake]

Smells like cumin. Huh.

Thanks again to Adria for singing along.

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-status-is-not-quo-2026

Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/its-worse-than-that-theyre-dead-jen-2026

So Jen wants you to think our national parks are all fun and games and kayaking and snuggling baby otters and stuff. Well, we live in Florida, man! We have the Everglades where literally everything wants to kill and eat you. Or kill you and leave your body for something ELSE to eat you. But definitely with the killing thing.

What, you think I'm exaggerating?

THIS ALLIGATOR WANTS TO EAT YOUR FACE.

That's right, a smashed cake alligator wants to kill you. It's serious down here, guys.

And then there's the snakes:

"Help meeeee!"

Which this baker has so helpfully illustrated mid-murder.

We've got poison toads:

"I want you to croak."

And snakes:

GAAAAAAkeepscrollingkeepscrollingkeepscrolling

And giant angry spiders:

Who team up with killer bees...

Did I mention the snakes?

BECAUSE WE HAVE A LOT OF SNAKES.

Not to mention the armies of squirrel-sized mosquitoes:

They're very friendly. No sense of personal space.

Piranhas:

Seriously.

And panthers.

NO LION.

Because of course we have panthers. Why wouldn't we have panthers?! I mean, what would a swamp be without FRIGGIN PANTHERS?!?!?!

So.
To sum up, if you come to one of Florida's many beautiful national parks, you're gonna die. Probably. Best not to chance it. Just go to Disney and marvel at the animatronic deer and bunnies, which are super lifelike this time of year.

This has been a public service announcement from Cheryl G., Kelly V., Tracey S., Anony M., Sarah G., Andrew W., Ashley M., Kelly R., & Gretchen T.

*****

If you know someone who loves frogs, maybe skip the wreck and get them this instead:

Fanatical About Frogs

It's part of a cool animal series with incredible art. In fact I'm also eying Obsessive About Octopuses, just for the cover alone. Hnnng.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/its-worse-than-that-theyre-dead-jen-2026

Note to future self, don't bother booking time off work in April if working on the house is the goal. It never seems to work out the way I want it to. (This time because of the weather.)

I did get one day that was merely damp and so the upper part of the yard is now graded and seeded.

And I discovered that at some point the rain and wind had pulled down two of the dead phone lines that cross my yard. They are now sagging from the poles and cross the yard at chest height. That means I have to deal with Bell again. Joy.

***

Lord Brock went back in for bloodwork and the numbers that concerned the vet show much improved. I never did get the urine sample because he flat-out refused to enter his litter box while it had the medical litter in it. It's basically tiny plastic beads so I can't entirely blame him, they would be slippery and uncomfortable.

So he goes back to the vet for a $60 hanging-out-until-he-pees session on top of the $30 I paid for the kit. This fucking cat. Maybe they'll reimburse me for the kit if I bring it back.

***

I think I've mentioned in here that my sister and I have been trying to gently persuade my dad's wife that it's time to move out of their house into a place with no stairs. It came up again this week because my dad climbed over the gate in front of the basement stairs and then couldn't get back up. (How he did this nobody can figure out, the man can barely walk.)

Sister found a link to a really nice condo for sale in their neighbourhood and it turns out it was in a building where they have friends. And they stayed there briefly while their bathroom was being renovated and their friends were on vacation. MIL was still hemming and hawing about it and apparently I said the magic words, "If you are worried about the work of packing and downsizing, I will come over and help." Next thing she called her realtor and two days later her offer was accepted.

So Friday Daughter and I went over and helped pack. Y'all, they have So Much stuff. There are two full-size book cases in the basement just for shoes, and that's not counting the two shoe-racks on the ground floor for the shoes they actually wear. A dresser AND a wardrobe AND two clothing racks for clothes, and that's just in the basement. There are three bedrooms on the top floor all will full closets and dressers.

Well, between the three of us we got 7 full contractor bags out of there just of stuff that has to go away. Today four more family members descended on the place to continue packing. The real estate agent wants to get the place on the market ASAP because apparently sales drop off when the weather gets good. So we've been strategizing ways to get as much stuff out of the house as possible as fast as possible, even if it means doing the actual purging at the other end. This is probably going to suck up all my free time for the next month at least.

The actual possession happens in August so fingers crossed she can keep my dad from going down the stairs bucket-first until we can get them moved.

***

Saturday Daughter and I took a taxidermy class. Not the best timing, given everything else that was going on, but I had already paid for it and I was looking forward it to it, so we went. I now have a stuffed rat in my living room. It was a lot of fun and I learned a lot about the practice - including what I will do differently the next time I try to do any taxidermy.

***

Back to work this morning and I was interrupted by a knock on the door. Three people on my porch asked me for permission to take a picture of the front of my house - one of the women had grown up here, the second had grown up across the street, and woman #1 had met her husband when he was boarding with woman #2's family. The couple had just celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary.

I invited them in so I could show them around the house and described what it looked like when I bought it 20+ years ago. They were super sweet and told me stories about what the area was like when they lived here 65 years ago.

Hilariously, she is a big Elvis fan. (Ex housemate loved Elvis and we still have a sticker on the door.) So we also talked about Graceland.

This is the second time somebody has knocked on my door because they grew up in my house. Advantage of having a house over 100 years old I guess.

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/national-parks-sunday-sweets-2026

This week is National Park Week, so I decided to round up 10 Sweet nature cakes that would make Leslie Knope proud.

(By Intricate Icings Cake Design)

Preeeeettty.

Now, I'm a hermit blogger with what my doctor described as a "shocking" vitamin D deficiency, so I think it's safe to say I'm not the outdoorsy type. BUT! I hear there's actually a lot you can do in our national parks.

Things like:

Kayaking:

(By Mike's Amazing Cakes)

Hiking:

(By Sweet and Sassy)

Camping:

(By The Royal Bakery)

And fishing!

(By Tiffany's Baking Co.)

At least, I think you can fish in some parks, right? Either way, those sculpted waves over the fish are super cool. (Note all the broken hooks, 'cuz the fish won. Ha!)

There's also that classic park activity:

(By Little "Miss" OC's Kitchen)

Eating!

Or I guess the proper term is "picnicking."

For you park-lovers getting married, here's a delicate hand painted number:

(By Cake Central member Ratga)

I like how the tree tops extend over the tiers!

Or how about the pebbles-and-bark textures on this one?

(By Delicut Cakes)

Not to mention my favorite color flowers. Mmmm.

This sugar waterfall works perfectly with a topsy-turvy cake:

(By Rising Flours)

Also perfect? The white frothy bits near the bottom. So good.

I'm diggin' the silhouettes on this one:

(By Colorado Rose Cake Company)

Plus? It's fondant-free!

And finally, while it's not exactly a parks-celebrating cake, I couldn't pass up showing you guys this EPIC Ron Swanson lumberjack cake:

(By Artisan Cake Company.)

Even the axe is sugar! And it's filled with red flannel!

Now that's sweet.

Happy Sunday, everyone!

*****

Trekking The National Parks

This is an award-winning strategy board game for park lovers and families alike, with over 8,000 five-star reviews on Amazon.

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/national-parks-sunday-sweets-2026

Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-daily-life-of-a-cake-wrecks-reader-2026

Thanks to Jasmine T., Desi E., Tina M., Jodi F., & Pam C. for always recovering enough to come back tomorrow.

*****

P.S. Sorry for the fowl content. Let me make it up to you with something cuter:

Disney's Tangled "The Snuggly Duckling" Tee

My favorite thing about this shirt is how you can randomly point at people and shriek, "RUFFIANS!" Lots more colors and cuts at the link.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-daily-life-of-a-cake-wrecks-reader-2026

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/big-day-big-wrecks-2026

By popular demand, here are a few more Inspiration vs Perspiration Wedding Wrecks. And shame on you all for finding them so funny.

What was ordered:

What was received:

Fortunately Christine C. reports the the bride and family had a great sense of humor about this Wreck, and even dubbed it the "bamPOO" cake. Heheh.

Ordered:

And received:

Uh, since the cake itself leaves me speechless, I'm going to comment on the background. Hey Jessica M., is that Chewbacca through the window? I mean, given the Han Solo & Leia topper, I was wondering if Chewie was the ring-bearer or something.

And lastly, ordered:

Aaaand received:

You have to wonder if that swipe was a result of the bride fainting at the sight of it, don't you? Still, I guess she should count her blessings: imagine if the wreckerator had been asked to write something on it!

*****

P.S. Here's a giggle for my coffee-loving friends:

"My Four Moods" Dragon Tee

:D
It comes in both Men's & Women's cuts, plus a bunch more colors.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/big-day-big-wrecks-2026

Happy Wednesday!

I'm taking search offline sometime today to upgrade the server to a new instance type. It should be down for a day or so -- sorry for the inconvenience. If you're curious, the existing search machine is over 10 years old and was starting to accumulate a decade of cruft...!

Also, apparently these older machines cost more than twice what the newer ones cost, on top of being slower. Trying to save a bit of maintenance and cost, and hopefully a Wednesday is okay!

Edited: The other cool thing is that this also means that the search index will be effectively realtime afterwards... no more waiting a few minutes for the indexer to catch new content.

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/flotsam-plops-2026

The concept is simple: take an otherwise passable cake, and then stick a completely unrelated piece (or pieces) of plastic flotsam on it. Voila! Flotsam plop.

Oh, and when I say "completely unrelated," I mean "completely unrelated."

And lo, unto us a carrot cake is borne.
And high, we suspecteth the Wreckerator was. Eth.

Look, this carrot cake was doing just fine without divine accompaniment - so why the plastic angel pick? Did the Wreckerator think that was actually helping, or was s/he meeting some flotsam distribution quota?

Care to pick a pack of plops?

The migrating guitar herd strikes again.

Here's how you pander to fanboys and fangirls everywhere:

No, no, it's not a blue dog - it's a BAT dog. Sha-pow!

Plus, that upside-down bat logo tells us he sticks to the ceiling!

Bringing "downward facing dog" to new heights.

Perhaps you don't think these examples have been ridiculous enough, though. Nooo problem. What would you say to Dora the Explorer's head stuck in another doll cake's lap?

Go ahead. Try and imagine that's just the world's largest, creepiest belt buckle.

Personally, I'd say "Hola, Dora! S-O-C-K-S!" Because that's all the Spanish I know. I never learned what it means, though, so here's hoping it's not something dirty. (Although, frankly, that might be appropriate here.)

I have some thoughts about the snowman in the gal's lap behind Dora, too, but for all our sakes I'll leave that to you guys in the comments.

So, just how bad is the flotsam plop epidemic getting?

This bad:

Because even cake sold by-the-slice needs accessorizing.
And Superman beats everybody at bowling.

Katrina S., Lisa K., Dawn, Frzn D., & Jane D., "flotsam plops" is officially my new favorite phrase. Flotsamplopsflotsamplopsflotsamplops. Heehee!

*****

P.S. Here's one of the coolest gift ideas I've seen for a Batman fan, also works great for anniversities, aniverys, and bat mitzvahs. (See what I did there?))

Leather Bat Key Fob Case

How awesome is this?

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/flotsam-plops-2026

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ramonarjona

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Reading

Wax Poetic, Wax Off

10 Reasons Edible Images Are The Absolute WORST (Plus One That's Pure Gold)

10 Reasons Edible Images Are The Absolute WORST:

Sunday Sweets: Flowery Praise

Multilingual April Media

April books

Road Wrecks

Lost In Translation

To The Pain

The Status Is NOT Quo

It's Worse Than That, They're Dead, Jen

time is calling name by name

Parks & No Wreck: Sunday Sweets To TREAT YO'SELF

The Daily Life Of A Cake Wrecks Reader

Big Day, Big Wrecks

Search maintenance

Flotsam Plops

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December 2013

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