PERILOUS PERIL

Feb. 13th, 2026 02:00 pm[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

It's Friday the 13th, and wreckerators are up to their old tricks:

 Cakes that stare:

Cakes that WOULD stare if they had a face:

Menacing snowman heads playing golf:

(I think?)

Gratuitous use of berry topping:

(Is that a number 3 or a heart? And why does it scare me either way?)

Alarming cakes for 6-year-olds:

(When I was 6 I liked Winnie-the-Pooh, is all I'm saying.)

And of course, HORSE HEADS FOR EVERYONE.

You get a creepy horse head, and YOU get a creepy horse head, EVERYBODY GETS A CREEPY HORSE HEEEEAD!!

Happy Friday the 13th, y'all. Watch out for suspiciously large bakery boxes, k?

And thanks to Roberta, Danielle M., Karen M., Katie N., Anna B., & Maja V. for being the only neigh-sayer.

P.S. I feel duty-bound to inform you that these are less than $13 on Amazon:

Creepy Horse Head Mask

Do with this information what you will. :D

Posted by Jen

Chocolates? Flowers? Cutesy stuffed animals?

BO-RING.

This Valentine's day, give me something a little out-of-the-ordinary! Something a little daring!  Something a little...um...

...crappy? 

 (Remember, the couple that leaves flaming bags of poo on doorsteps together, STAYS together.)

 

I'm getting kind of a mixed message here.

 

Ok, now it's less mixed.

 

Hang on. So you're saying you morph into a heart-chomping werewolf at night? Is that it?

 And the call is coming from inside the house?

 

And you may need diapers?

 

But you still love me in your barbaric, wolfish way?

  Aw. Well, I guess that IS kind of sweet...

Will you stop killing things while I'm trying to talk to you.

 

Well, I guess the only really important thing is that we understand one another, right?

[crickets]

 

 That and house training, of course.

BAD WEREWOLF.

 

Thanks to Rebekah G., Meredith G., Carolyn, Brandy S., Chau, Laura E., Kerry M., Lynn B., Anne Q., & Anthony S. for reminding us to just stick with boxes of chocolates. 

Unless we're werewolves.

******

P.S. In case this post wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

My Naughty Valentine

Feb. 11th, 2026 02:00 pm[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

NOTE: Mildly suggestive humor ahead - so get your kids to explain it if you have any trouble.

NOTE THE SECOND: I'M KIDDING. Clear the area of innocents!

***************

 

Valentines' day is a celebration of love, and of the people we love, and of the many acts of love that we all...

Oh, look, a ding-dong!

No, no, YOU rock MY world, baby. Mrowr.

 

I remember a psychology course back in college where they talked a lot about interpreting things like keys and swords and Owen Wilson' nose, but I have to confess I never thought much of it 'til I saw these:

Think it's an Everlast?

 (No, I will never stop with the Men In Tights jokes. SORRY.)

 

Here's a tip: I'm pretty sure swords don't NEED that much of a point:

Or at least not one shaped like that, anyway.

 

And in case you're starting to feel like these cakes are all thrust and no parry:

Donut worry: My lips are sealed.

 

I'm pretty sure you won't need Freud's help to spot this classic slip-up:

Talk is cheap, dude. Lemme see your guitar.

 

You know the saying, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince?" I only ask because reasons.

"Hey, bebeh, wanna go back to my pad? It's kind of chilly in here."

 (Not a word on the necklace. NOT A WORD.)

 

Of course, if you don't want to go for subtle, there's always the blatantly inappropriate approach:

The longer you think about what demographic this cake was made for, the more uncomfortable it gets. (To say nothing of the fact that Barbie has no lower body, and her hair is getting in the icing. Ick.)

 

Well, whichever option you choose, I sincerely hope that you and your loved ones:

And hey, I mean that - from the bottom of my heart.


Thanks to Mindy B., Kelly G., Jeanne T., Jennifer R., Erica L., Dion H., Katie G., & Chris P. for putting the "wow" in "bow chikka WOW WOW."

******

P.S. I was trying to find a Valentines' gift for a guitar lover, but this works for any occasion if they also like Star Wars and puns:

"Uke, I Am Your Father" T-Shirt

(So glad he didn't try to STRING Uke along.)

:D

More colors and cuts for kids and women at the link.

*****

And from from my other blog, Epbot:

force is machine

Feb. 10th, 2026 10:47 pm[personal profile] the_siobhan
the_siobhan: (What Would Johnny Cash Do?)
Dear Father, it has been a month since my last confession.

I am so tired, y'all. I've been working overtime for the past three weeks trying to stash some money away for the inevitable basement bullshit and it's been exhausting. (You wouldn't think a job that requires sitting at a desk would be tiring, but I feel like somebody threw sand in my eyes by the end of the day.)

Permit-wrangler is still trying to find an engineer. Apparently the problem is that I can't just dig a hole and have an engineer look at it and yes the foundations are good, they have to figure out how to reverse-engineer whatever was done to create new drawings - and that's going to be expensive regardless.

I sicc'd permit-wrangler on the engineer who got the original permits. "Tell him if he helps me out I might leave him out of the lawsuit."

***

I looked out my window this morning and there was a huge raptor in the trees behind my house. Couldn't get a clear enough view to make a guess at what it was but at least twice the size of the red-tail hawks I normally see back there.

I reiterated to the venerable Lord Brock that no, he is not going outside no matter how much he bonks his head on the window. (He is enormously offended by the squirrels.)

***

Last time I visited my dad I took my laptop over and started quizzing him about family. His memory is shot, but he does remember incidents from his childhood. What's hilarious is that he remembers the kids who pissed him off - I suggested one possible connection and he was all, "Oh yeah, Joey, he visited from the States. What a little prick."

He also remembered the aunt who baked cookies and the heavy-drinking aunt who was a huge bruiser and all the men were afraid of her. So if they left an impression he had me stories about them, even if he doesn't remember how they're related to him.

***

Somebody here was talking about how Skip The Dishes made up a new address for them, and it reminded me that I had the exact experience last time I ordered from them. The system sent the driver to an address a couple of blocks away and I only caught it because I got the ping that the order was five minutes away and when I looked at the map I didn't recognize the streets.

Calling their customer service did nothing because the driver was already showing as "arrived". But as soon as I hung up I got a call from the driver because the address they had given him was a park, so I was able to redirect him and get my food after all.

***

We have reached the part of the winter where I start to worry that I have run out of places to put snow. My yard is maybe five feet square and the snow is already piled up in a pyramid.

I keep wanting to go out with a hose and ice it up and build an igloo or something.

All Work and No Play...

Feb. 10th, 2026 09:40 pm[personal profile] lil_m_moses
lil_m_moses: (mythbusters)
I've been in this job 4 years now. We have one of those fancy "unlimited leave" policies (that statistically lead to people taking less leave). After 2 decades of working government contractor jobs where I had to record all my time and budget my leave, I keep up the habit (also, we're going to get to the point of needing a similar policy sooner than later at this company). I allot myself a generous 4 weeks a year of pretend vacation time, which is what I was getting when I worked for an oil-adjacent company with a spaceflight division, plus I keep track of pretend comp time, and I have no caps on my pretend leave banks.

I have 90 days of pretend leave banked right now. Not including the sick time that became real with a new Michigan law last year.

That ain't right. That's negative vacation for the 4 years. No wonder I'm burning out. Another new PM starts in a month, but she's starting from a more experienced PM place than our other PM. Maybe by summer I can reduce my workload to a sane level.
denise: Image: Me, facing away from camera, on top of the Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome (Default)
Back in August of 2025, we announced a temporary block on account creation for users under the age of 18 from the state of Tennessee, due to the court in Netchoice's challenge to the law (which we're a part of!) refusing to prevent the law from being enforced while the lawsuit plays out. Today, I am sad to announce that we've had to add South Carolina to that list. When creating an account, you will now be asked if you're a resident of Tennessee or South Carolina. If you are, and your birthdate shows you're under 18, you won't be able to create an account.

We're very sorry to have to do this, and especially on such short notice. The reason for it: on Friday, South Carolina governor Henry McMaster signed the South Carolina Age-Appropriate Design Code Act into law, with an effective date of immediately. The law is so incredibly poorly written it took us several days to even figure out what the hell South Carolina wants us to do and whether or not we're covered by it. We're still not entirely 100% sure about the former, but in regards to the latter, we're pretty sure the fact we use Google Analytics on some site pages (for OS/platform/browser capability analysis) means we will be covered by the law. Thankfully, the law does not mandate a specific form of age verification, unlike many of the other state laws we're fighting, so we're likewise pretty sure that just stopping people under 18 from creating an account will be enough to comply without performing intrusive and privacy-invasive third-party age verification. We think. Maybe. (It's a really, really badly written law. I don't know whether they intended to write it in a way that means officers of the company can potentially be sentenced to jail time for violating it, but that's certainly one possible way to read it.)

Netchoice filed their lawsuit against SC over the law as I was working on making this change and writing this news post -- so recently it's not even showing up in RECAP yet for me to link y'all to! -- but here's the complaint as filed in the lawsuit, Netchoice v Wilson. Please note that I didn't even have to write the declaration yet (although I will be): we are cited in the complaint itself with a link to our August news post as evidence of why these laws burden small websites and create legal uncertainty that causes a chilling effect on speech. \o/

In fact, that's the victory: in December, the judge ruled in favor of Netchoice in Netchoice v Murrill, the lawsuit over Louisiana's age-verification law Act 456, finding (once again) that requiring age verification to access social media is unconstitutional. Judge deGravelles' ruling was not simply a preliminary injunction: this was a final, dispositive ruling stating clearly and unambiguously "Louisiana Revised Statutes §§51:1751–1754 violate the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, as incorporated by the Fourteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution", as well as awarding Netchoice their costs and attorney's fees for bringing the lawsuit. We didn't provide a declaration in that one, because Act 456, may it rot in hell, had a total registered user threshold we don't meet. That didn't stop Netchoice's lawyers from pointing out that we were forced to block service to Mississippi and restrict registration in Tennessee (pointing, again, to that news post), and Judge deGravelles found our example so compelling that we are cited twice in his ruling, thus marking the first time we've helped to get one of these laws enjoined or overturned just by existing. I think that's a new career high point for me.

I need to find an afternoon to sit down and write an update for [site community profile] dw_advocacy highlighting everything that's going on (and what stage the lawsuits are in), because folks who know there's Some Shenanigans afoot in their state keep asking us whether we're going to have to put any restrictions on their states. I'll repeat my promise to you all: we will fight every state attempt to impose mandatory age verification and deanonymization on our users as hard as we possibly can, and we will keep actions like this to the clear cases where there's no doubt that we have to take action in order to prevent liability.

In cases like SC, where the law takes immediate effect, or like TN and MS, where the district court declines to issue a temporary injunction or the district court issues a temporary injunction and the appellate court overturns it, we may need to take some steps to limit our potential liability: when that happens, we'll tell you what we're doing as fast as we possibly can. (Sometimes it takes a little while for us to figure out the exact implications of a newly passed law or run the risk assessment on a law that the courts declined to enjoin. Netchoice's lawyers are excellent, but they're Netchoice's lawyers, not ours: we have to figure out our obligations ourselves. I am so very thankful that even though we are poor in money, we are very rich in friends, and we have a wide range of people we can go to for help.)

In cases where Netchoice filed the lawsuit before the law's effective date, there's a pending motion for a preliminary injunction, the court hasn't ruled on the motion yet, and we're specifically named in the motion for preliminary injunction as a Netchoice member the law would apply to, we generally evaluate that the risk is low enough we can wait and see what the judge decides. (Right now, for instance, that's Netchoice v Jones, formerly Netchoice v Miyares, mentioned in our December news post: the judge has not yet ruled on the motion for preliminary injunction.) If the judge grants the injunction, we won't need to do anything, because the state will be prevented from enforcing the law. If the judge doesn't grant the injunction, we'll figure out what we need to do then, and we'll let you know as soon as we know.

I know it's frustrating for people to not know what's going to happen! Believe me, it's just as frustrating for us: you would not believe how much of my time is taken up by tracking all of this. I keep trying to find time to update [site community profile] dw_advocacy so people know the status of all the various lawsuits (and what actions we've taken in response), but every time I think I might have a second, something else happens like this SC law and I have to scramble to figure out what we need to do. We will continue to update [site community profile] dw_news whenever we do have to take an action that restricts any of our users, though, as soon as something happens that may make us have to take an action, and we will give you as much warning as we possibly can. It is absolutely ridiculous that we still have to have this fight, but we're going to keep fighting it for as long as we have to and as hard as we need to.

I look forward to the day we can lift the restrictions on Mississippi, Tennessee, and now South Carolina, and I apologize again to our users (and to the people who temporarily aren't able to become our users) from those states.

Killer Math

Feb. 10th, 2026 02:00 pm[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Sharyn

+

=


Thanks to Alicia M. for reminding us to never cross a princess. Or anyone wielding a chainsaw.

*****

P.S. Remember, V Day is coming soon!

"V Is For Video Games" T-Shirt

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Dump Week

Feb. 9th, 2026 02:00 pm[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

It's National Dump Your Significant Jerk Week, or as I like to call it, Dump Week. That's right, folks, it's time to get out now before you have to spend another Valentines' Day shelling out the dough for over-priced chocolates and stuffed animals!

And really, what better way is there to end a romantic entanglement than with CAKE?

Now your ex can drown his sorrows in beer and buttercream. Unless he's out of beer. Or hates cake. In which case, this cake is PERFECT.

 

For some reason I get this one a lot. You know, from you readers. It's usually followed by a "I promise I'm not a stalker," and a request for my home address. (No joke.)

 

If you prefer a more subtle route, there's also this option:

 "Allow me to point out that the arrow pointing to the representation of the amount of my love is actually larger than the representation of the amount of my actual love. 

"If you're not getting this, I've also prepared a pie chart. On a pie."

 

Then there are all the old standbys:

The Outraged:

 

 The Relieved:


The Psychopath:


But for my money, I'll always prefer good old fashioned crazy:

If I find a jam filling, I am OUTTA HERE.

 

Thanks to Sarah H., Kjaere, Lesley M., Birdy, Olivia C., and Erin W., who will always hold a special place in my heart, and we'll always be friends, but I'm at a really complicated place right now and just need some time to think about who I am, you know?

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Posted by Jen

It's Superb Owl Sunday, y'all!!

Though I have a confession to make: I only go to Superb Owl parties for the food.

(By Crazy Cakes, Czech Republic)

And yes, you can eat this owl. I mean, I suppose technically you could eat ANY owl, but this one is cake and therefore tastes better. Plus, look at the sculpting! The painting! Incredible.

 

(By Les Sucrés by Rose, Bangkok)

This one is still pondering the ramifications that all owls are technically edible. I like how his eyes glow when he's deep in thought on his Thinking Branch. So cute.

 

If we're talking superb owls, though, then one clearly flies above the rest:

(By Cakes By Ying, Malaysia)

HEDWIG! Best postal carrier ever, am I right? Though she misplaced a very important letter for yours truly a while back, and I'm still not over it.

 

This owl understands:

(By Klobouckovic Dortiky, Czechia)

See, she looks both snuggly and like she's about to say something devastatingly snarky, which is really the best combination.

 

And if I'm being honest, there IS an owl I love more than Hedwig, and that owl is... DAVID BOWIE.

(By Saccharine Obsession)

That line makes sense if you grew up in the 80s. Also this barn owl flew right out of Labyrinth to serenade me with As The World Falls Down, so give us a moment.

(And yes, cake! It's cake! AHHH-MAZING.)

 

This precious pastel patchwork is prettier than a peck of posies:

(By E Só Um Bolinho)

I dare you to read that line out loud and not spit all over your keyboard. I also dare you to find a better candidate for a plush toy - 'cuz YOU WON'T. (I want her as a pillow!)

 

Bringing it back to Harry Potter again because this cake topper is making me melt:

(By Tiny Plaid Sheep)

That seller only makes the topper part, not the cake, so I'm cheating by including this here.

Cheating, and not sorry. Look at the wands holding up the bunting! Eeee!

 

I noticed a lot of owl cakes look the same out there, so I made a point of specifically finding one with an owl wearing sneakers:

(By Cakes By Lorna, Slovakia)

You just don't see enough of those. Also the balloons are fantastic, I love the soft shading.

 

This pudgy lil' guy looks like a steampunk ringmaster, which is really the best aesthetic for an owl cake:

(By Bloom Cakes, Cambodia)

Buttons and bunting and bug-eyes, oh my! THIS IS SO CUTE.

 

And finally, the owl cake that will make you wish all owls - cake or not - came with bright teal and purple feathers:

(By Natalia Salazar, North Carolina)

Also Pixar eyes. And a one-to-one head-to-torso ratio. And itty bitty toesies. And a cutesy-pootsy widdle nosey-wosey OK sorry I'm done now.

 

Hope these make your Superb Owl Sunday a little more super, minions, and that your week is extra Sweet!

*****

P.S. This crossbody bag is one of my all-time favorite purses, and comes in 36 different colors:

Crossbody Tassel Bag

It's surprisingly lightweight while feeling high-end, with a butter smooth zipper and beautiful crisp stitching. Most "medium" purses are too small for me, but this one is super roomy for all my gear, and has a handy front zip pocket I use for my phone. (Which fits even in my giant phone cases!)

The style works for dressing up or everyday, and I looove all the color options. I have the orange, which is currently sold out, but the kelly green and lemon yellow are next on my wish list. They also have hot pink, denim blue, red, and of course more neutral options. For less than $20, it's hard not to buy a bunch!

Posted by Jen

We all mishear things from time to time. Heck, I still think Elton John just wanted a hug from Tony Danza. However, there are certain levels to auditory misunderstanding, which thanks to today's bakers I can now illustrate and then make snarky comments about. WOOHOO!

Level 1: The Simple Mistake

This is the one anyone can make, since at first blush the bungled interpretation almost makes sense:

Poor Chad. He went from rad to sunburned.

 

Level Two: The "HUH?"

This is a more convoluted level, and one that requires an explanation to understand. For example, this cake was supposed to read, "Happy 24th Birthday, Ashleigh. YOU ARE OLD!"

"Yes, I'm afraid you DO need to spell it out for me."

(This reminds me of the time in grade school when I had to interview my grandmother about her travels. She kept referring to Mexico as "Old Mexico" [presumably because she lived in New Mexico], but it sounded like she was saying "Oh Mexico." So that's what I wrote - about a billion times in that report. My family all found it quite funny. I did not.)

 

Level Three: The One You're Never Going To Believe

This is the level of misunderstanding that takes you so far down the wrong road that there's simply no turning back. So, little Seth, you just enjoy your "blue camo" baby shower cake, mkay?

"Watch out, they spit!"

 

Thanks to Lelia R., Joann R., & Yvonne D. for the "just deserts."

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

What The Fern?

Feb. 5th, 2026 02:00 pm[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Far be it from me to question the existence of any cake - it's CAKE, after all - but sometimes, when I'm staring with horrified fascination at a spotted vomitous mass one of you found on a display shelf, I have to ask myself: "Hey, what's that little blue duck doing there?"

We may never know what these bakers are thinking/inhaling behind closed bakery doors, of course, but at least their creations make for some fun cake titles!

You know, like:

The Argyle Dog Beat Poet

"WOMAN. Whoah, man. Whoooooah, MAN.
SHE WAS A THIEF.
YOU GOTTA BE LEAF.
SHE STOLE MY HEART AND MY CAT."
[extinguishes cigarette in sponge beard]

 

What The Fern?

Is it your houseplant's birthday?
Did you forget to order a custom airbrush portrait?
NO PROBLEM.
This bakery's got you covered!

 

Suckling Pigs Struggle to Stay Afloat While Mama Stares Wistfully at a Trough of Gigantic Candy Corn:

I'm trying to imagine an occasion for this cookie cake that isn't disturbing.
Trying, and failing.

 

Death By Trash Can (While a Small Penguin Watches):

"Stanley gaped in horror. Someone had thrown away a perfectly good half-jar of mayonnaise! What was the world coming to?!"

(I'm kind of cheating with this one, since it was probably a custom order. Still, it always amazes me when bakeries use stuff like this to advertise on their websites. Just how big of a market IS there for dead bodies sticking out of trash cans, anyway? Or do I not want to know? o.0)

 

Of course, even when you do know what the baker was thinking, that's still no guarantee the wreck will make any more sense.

What's that? You want an example?

Aw, I thought you'd never ask.

Sarah T. asked for her wedding cake to look like a mountain, and with a climbing rope tied at the base to signify "tying the knot."

She got this:

Great yodeling lederhosen!!

I will never look at moldy chunks of insulation or albino ears the same way again.

 

Thanks to Stephen O., Viola D., Jill N., Christy E., Eva F., and Sarah T. for the excuse to use the words "yodeling lederhosen" together. Life achievement, unlocked!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Posted by Jen

Bride-to-be Coley got engaged in Hershey Park, so for her bridal shower her friends thought it would be fun to have a giant Hershey Kiss cake. Cool idea, right? Especially since, as far as shaped cakes go, a kiss shouldn't be that hard - I mean, it's not like it's a football helmet or anything.

In fact, while looking for a reference just now I found this one by Carrie of Half Baked. It's actually a cupcake, but c'mon: SO CUTE.

 

So just imagine this, only bigger. That's what they wanted for Coley's shower.

Instead, Coley's sister Tammy sent me a picture of what they did get, along with many emphatic assurances that yes, they actually paid for it (though "only" about $60), and yes, it was made by an actual "cake decorator" - though I should note she did put that part in quotes.

The cake was wrapped in tinfoil, a brilliant move on the "decorator's" part if ever I saw one, since that way no one saw the cake's true glory until it came time to serve it at the party.

At which point they unwrapped it to reveal...

 

 

....this:

 

Um...

 Ok, call me crazy, but is that top reminding anyone else of those creepy weed guys in Ursula's lair?

No? Just me?

Ok then.

 

Thanks to Tammy and Coley for the kiss and tell.

*****

P.S. My "related searches" kind of got away from me today, but I think you'll approve:

"Hiss" Punny Cats Parody T-Shirt

Lots more colors and shirt styles available at the link.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

mark: A photo of Mark kneeling on top of the Taal Volcano in the Philippines. It was a long hike. (Default)

Hi all!

I'm doing some minor operational work tonight. It should be transparent, but there's always a chance that something goes wrong. The main thing I'm touching is testing a replacement for Apache2 (our web server software) in one area of the site.

Thank you!

Posted by Jen

[alarm clock clicking to 6:00 AM]

[Sonny & Cher caterwauling to I Got You, Babe]

 

Ok, Campers, rise and shine! 'Cuz it's Groundhog Day!

Or, as Brenda here knows it:

"Groad Hogs Day"

 

Today is the day that we celebrate the.. day...by having this cheeky little fella:

aka "the guy with the crappy back end":

 

"Did I do that?"


...drive around town with Bill Murray looking for a weather forecaster who has no shadow. Which I think makes the weather forecaster a vampire.

 Ah, American holidays.

 

Today is also the day when we find out if winter will end soon or not.

 Hm...

 [clickety click click click]

via weather.com Fifteen years and 12 hours ago

Yeah. Good luck with that, every-state-but-Florida.

 

So, unless shadowless weather forecasters are run over by rodent and celebrity driven automobiles, I'd say most of you are due to see a lot more of this:

"Squashed octopodes?"

Er, no. I mean this:

"Blue crabs?"

No, no, no!

THIS:

[crickets chirping]

Oh, never mind.

Happy Grounn Dhog Day, y'all.

 

Thanks to Brenda M., M.Z., Melissa B., Saundra, Karen C., Jamie, & Kevin H., who would like to remind you to never drive angry. Especially with a quadruped

See you tomorrow, campers!

Note from john (thoJ): Yes, Groundhog Day was Sunday but what am I gonna do, NOT post this?!

*****

P.S. If by some chance you DON'T have this classic in your film library, I *highly* recommend it. Plus I just discovered it's only $10 Prime right now for the Blu-Ray:

Groundhog Day 15th Anniversary Blu-ray
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Heeeey Sexah LAY-DAY

Feb. 3rd, 2026 02:00 pm[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Don't worry, this isn't going to be a Gangnam Style parody. Promise. It's just that every time I see one of those "baby bump" limbless torso cakes trying so desperately to be sexy, that's all I hear in my head:

"HEEEEEY SEXAH LAY-DAY!"

 

Plus now I can't stop picturing Psy screaming at all the fondant boobies:

I feel ya, man.

But enough about me. Let's talk about why so many women enjoy displaying edible effigies of their nearly naked torsos for a bunch of other women while celebrating the imminent expulsion of a human being from their bodies.

(When you put it like that, it's kind of messed up, right?)

And while I'll never think pregnant torso cakes are a good idea, at least the ones wearing clothing are a little LESS tacky. The "sexy" ones just make me wonder: who gets all hot and bothered looking at a dismembered pregnant torso?

Before you get too turned on, you should know that the fetus with the unnaturally long spaghetti leg is watching you. Aaaalwaaaays waaaaatching.

That one's not really showing enough skin, though, is it? And don't you think it needs a nice heavy spray tan, too?

Muuuuch better. We'll all be revisiting breakfast in NO time.

 (If you look at that just right, you'll see a jowly guy in an aviator cap whistling Dixie around a mouth full of feet. Just sayin'.)

 

Hey ladies, you know how sometimes we get that little bead of sweat betwixt our womanly bazooms? And you know how the sight of it on other women make you, like, totally hungry?

Mmmm. Sweaty bazoom valley.

(Also, if that lady is pregnant, then I must be expecting twins.)

 

If I still haven't convinced you that "sexy" torso cakes are a bad idea, though, then let me leave you with this little window into the future:

Peek-a-boo!  SEE YOU REAL SOON.

 

Thanks to Cyndi P., Matt R., Anony M., Kate C., Jason S., & Vicki K. for the sexy, sexy nightmare fuel. 

******
You know what's always sexy at a baby shower? Star Wars counting books.

Star Wars Obi-123

Especially this one, illustrated by one of my favorite artists, Katie Cook!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

January Media

Feb. 1st, 2026 11:35 pm[personal profile] lil_m_moses
lil_m_moses: (movies)
Huh, it's already the 1st. January flew by. I've now been to the theater 3 times since before COVID!

Books Finished
- Tiamat's Wrath by James S.A. Corey [e-audio & Kindle] (2nd? read)
- Enshittification by Cory Doctorow [e-audio]
- Leviathan Falls by James S.A. Corey [e-audio]
- Memory's Legion by James S.A. Corey [Kindle & e-audio]
- The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood [e-audio]
- The Testaments by Margaret Atwood [e-audio]
- Time's Eye by Stephen Baxter (and supposedly Arthur C. Clarke...Hoopla deceived me) [e-audio] - This turned into a hate-listen and I didn't quite finish, as I disliked this for the same reasons I did the Long [Planet] series that Baxter did with Terry Pratchett.
- Lake of Souls by Ann Leckie [Kindle]

Movies seen in the theater
- The Two Towers (Extended Edition)
- The Return of the King (Extended Edition)

January books and movies

Feb. 1st, 2026 06:17 pm[personal profile] silentq
silentq: (post via email)

Books:

Woodworking, Emily St James. Read more... )

1 Hemlock and Silver, T. Kingfisher. Read more... )

2 A Mouthful of Dust, Nhgi Vo. Read more... )

Movies:

1 Heated Rivalry season 1. Read more... )

Posted by Jen

So I was thinking I wanted to do something different this week for Sweets. Something new. Something crazy. Something, I don't know...tentacley.

Don't worry; I'm not going to show you anything WEIRD. Besides, I bet most of you like a cute lil' octopus as much as you obviously like owls. (YOLO!)

By Cake Central member Miniminipop

And besides, lookit that cutie!

(True story: I just learned what YOLO meant last month. I'm such an internet trend failure.)

(Truer story: I just learned YOLO does NOT mean "you obviously love owls." MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE. [sob])

 

Of course, not ALL octopuses/octopi/octopodes are that adorable. Some just look all hip and cool while hanging out in their undersea gardens:

By Jacqueline Marie's

I'd like to be
Under the sea
In an octopus's garden
In the shaaaade.

(See, that's why he's cool!)

 

While others search the sea floor for awesome steampunk accessories:

By Over the Top Cakes

"Yesss... I shall glue some gearsss on it, and call it 'ssssteampunk!' Mwah-ha-haa!"

(Not sure why I think octopi sound like vampire snakes, but there ya go.)

 

Now you might think that octopodes are the only things with tentacles. NOT SO.

There are also the giant squids in storybooks:

By Sweet Fix

In this case, literally.
(See what I did there? LITERALLY?!)

 

And fashion-forward Disney villains:

By Cake Central member e-cakefactory

Ursula, dahling, you've never looked more delectable!

 

...and who can forget the infamous Davy Jones?

By Rub-a-Duckie

EEEK!! Ok, gotta be honest: this thing is WAY too realistic for me. Amazing, yes, but I swear I can see his "beard" squirming. [shudder]

 

Yep, I'm going to need some serious cute to recover from that.

By MyCakeSchool (photo tutorial at the link)

Ahh, that's better. Such a sweet design, and I like the writing in the sugar "sand."

 

What is it about a little octopus in a sailor hat that makes him look so huggable, anyway?

By D Bar Denver

D'awwww. And if I'm not mistaken, those are sugar glass gems on the top tier and on the wire sprigs. Way to whip out the SKILLZ, guys!

 

Now, I know my fellow geeks are waiting for a Cthulhu cake, but I've gotta tell you, I think we posted the best one just a few months ago for Halloween - and believe it or not, good Cthulhu cakes are hard to find!

Besides, just picture this next guy with a body and wings and a seeping aura of horror, and that's basically Cthulhu right there:

By Kathy Cakes

(Can you believe this is cake? 'Cuz I'm not sure I can!)

 

Oh! And of course we can't talk about amazing octopus cakes without this famous showstopper:

By Highland Bakery

That's 200 pounds of airbrushed awesomeness, right there. Ahhhh-MAZING.

 

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Gee, if you love octopuses so much, why don't you get married with 'em?"

Oh, you mean like with this super-fantabulous wedding cake?

By Cake Central member RejectedSeoul

EXCELLENT IDEA, you!

Now, just throw in a few cute little seahorses, and I am SO THERE.

 

And finally, I'm going to end with this stunning, mildly bizarre, excessively tentacley example of cakey goodness:

By Fire and Icing

Wowza. Tentacles have never looked more elegant.

And bizarre.

But mostly elegant.

Happy Sunday!

*****

These reversible plush octopuses from Tee Turtle are all the rage right now: nearly 60,000 reviews, and they come in over 25 fun color combos:

TeeTurtle Reversible Octopus Plushie

Not only are they adorable and fun to play with, but most of the styles flip from happy to sad, so a lot of parents use them as a helpful communication tool with their kids. Love that.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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